The best thing that happened in secondary school.

"Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what; maybe you’ll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there is also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you, sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who's been standing beside you all along."

When it hit me hard.

Sometimes, it really amuses me how talks and get you to think a lot about everything that has been happening later. I'm glad I talked about it. It got me thinking, is this something I wanted for myself or for you? This long and pointless battle we've all been through was for nothing. Losing her once was bad enough and I never ever ever want to lose her again. That's how much she means to me. And if that means that I have to change the way I feel about you. Then I'm willing to do it. Trust, is something that we all have to earn. You earned yours however, you also lost it. And now, you certainly haven't earned it back. However, I'm willing to take chances because I'm trying to trust you with someone dear to me. Of course, I know what happen and everything, so i believe I'm in the position to judge. What she went through was unnecessary and purely disgusting. I would never want her to ever go through it again. I want to to promise that you will never ever hurt her in anyway. Because, if you both get married, I will be losing a part of me. Things has already changed and I'm sure it's going to continue to do so. The ever constant. I think it's really time I put the past behind. Maybe you might not be able to apprehend what I'm feeling because you never had anyone like her. She's was never lucky to have found you. You should be feeling that way. After all you did, if it was someone else, she would have dumped you. Despite all that many said and did, she still stand by you. And I hope you will never let her down again. Let's just put it this way, I have come to this point where I'm putting acceptance before me.

We don't see eye to eye, anymore, do we?

Today was fake. Maybe we, expressing ourselves here, is so much better than we talking. Tired of trying, welcome to my life. There's obviously a reason to why I ignored all the texts and calls, because I don't want to talk about it. What's the point? Ask yourself. This is a vicious cycle. We talk, we last a while and we quarrel and the cycle goes on. I see no point, it gets us no where. Maybe we need to do some "soul" searching. You think I don't want to do something about this? I don't like the idea of having my living room to be at it's best and then having my rooms and store rooms to be in a mess just because people don't see it. Have I ever thought of giving up on people? No. If I did, I wouldn't have been so successful in 'CCA' so to speak.

There's like only ONE person I can hold on to tightly with all my might because I know she matters.
I'm not running away form it, I'm not hiding. I'm just letting nature take it's own course. Like you said, what you think might not be appear to be what people see and think. It's not just coming from me, other see it too. Some ask: Once so close, now not like before? What happen to the 2 of you sia? Is it him? And I go: No larh. It's me, I'm just to busy to make time for her. What else can I say? And it's not just from one but from many. I know I'm in no position to say this but, I feel like you need to pay your priorities a visit. The seem to have gone off track.

It was just a figure of speech: Nvm, forget I asked. And you took it so seriously. Just think about it. You have become cranky these days, we pick fight over what I tweet. Could it be because you're paranoid. I need to tweet to make me feel better. I can't be bothering you will all of my problems. They are there for me to solve them. And you feel like it was directed at you and there we go again.

But I don't feel that way anymore, It's like every time we quarrel we drift further and further apart and you draw closer to other things and people. You don't see it, others do. I hope, I'm wrong and we see things eye to eye sometime soon.

We all have a story to tell.

I don't if I'm being sensitive or paranoid but I'm really troubled by this. There were like so many things that we were to do together, but now, I kinda forgot the list. I'm not sure if we even have one. You are all so different now, I really have problems understanding you. You can beg to differ, by things have really changed A LOT since then. I felt so much better last time, no insecurities at all. I can picture us, still spending time together in the future. But now, I don't even want to think about it. I realise that talking doesn't really help. It's like we talk to just get over it,and just so that we don't leave any loose ends lying around. We are on different frequency, and even if we sync now, it's just for time being. We quarrel over every small things. I don't want things to go back to the way it was but in fact better than that. I believe we are more that just that. I think it's about asking ourselves who and what we really what and need in our lives. And to make it clear to everyone so that no one is left clueless. And having done that, it's about keep up to all that we have said. You once said that, best friends before boyfriend, i guess you would like to take it back now. I want us to be a circle where we go round and round and never come to an end.

I miss you. Not in some cheesy, let's hold hands and be together forever way. But I just miss you. Plain and simple. I miss your presence in my life more than anything. I miss you always being there. I miss my real good friend.

BAD DAYS.

LAST WEEK WAS BAD! Everything about it was wrong and bad. It's like the worst week ever. I've never felt like that ever before. Everything about assignments was wrong, everything about drill competition was wrong, everything about the people around me was wrong, and perhaps everything around me was equally wrong as well. I don't know if it's me or what, but I've been getting real frustrated with everyone around me for the smallest reason, which is really unhealthy. I use to have high tolerant towards everyone, but now, i just can't seem to control it. It's like everything's falling on me and the weight is just to heavy for me to hold. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!

Sure as hell, this is not the best time for 'other' problem. It's like, when people need me, I'm all there, sincerely, but when I need them, they are like so hard to find. I FREAKING hate it when people make use of one another. It's just heartless. Just because you can't find anyone else, you call this person out and the person is kind enough to accompany you out to wherever you want to go and do. And when this person ask to do the same for just one. You complain about the place being far and having to travel. It just get's on my nerves. And now, I just wonder who am I to you. It's like I've invested a lot in you. And for god knows what reason and this is what i get in return. 

AND, please, I really need a break. you mean, it was all wrong for me to blog about it? Look at those around you, you have someone to talk to. You have him, What am I suppose to do. If you are having a hard time, I'm having a harder time. How do you expect me to react to this whole thing. You took things literally, and there's nothing I can do about that too. Aren't my questions valid, don't I have to feel justified? And come on, why would I think of you so lowly, out of all the people you know? you expect that out of me? This is really not the best time for it. I've got no energy to deal with it. I barely have any to survive this hell me. And i don't want things to be this way too. Maybe all we need now is a break. Once I think I'm ready then I'll just text you or something, and hopefully by then you are doing fine as well. And hopefully, I'm not causing any hinderance between the both of you. 

Once holidays starts, I just feel like going somewhere alone. Like without telling anyone and just disappear for a few days! I believe many of us wish to pass on for just a day to see who would be at our wake/ funerals. We expected certain people in our lives to be there but to your surprise, they might not even be there. People whom you think will come might probably not appear. And only then, you would know who stands by you truly. 

This week didn't start off too well, and I pray it gets better. I really do.